This week's sermon focused on emphasizing that singleness is a valuable stage in life and encouraging singles to embrace it with purpose. He highlights that Jesus and Paul were impactful singles who viewed singleness as an opportunity for faithful service. Pastor Jeff reminds singles to trust in God's plan, seek His guidance, and prioritize their relationship with Him over all else. He concludes by reassuring singles of God's presence, ability to fulfill His promises, and the importance of seeking wise counsel in navigating relationships.
Sermon Transcript
Well, good morning. Will you help me welcome our Colorado Springs, Westminster and online campus that are worshiping with us today.
Just want to say thank you for Thursday night. How many were here for the Seth Gruber event? Was that awesome? I want to give. Not only was it a great night, I want to give a special shout out to everybody that's part of the corps.
It's the first time we've done an event like that. We're from the parking lot to the lobby to passing out popcorn, to making people feel welcome to all the different things. You did an awesome job doing that. So give yourself some appreciation for serving the Lord in that. That was great.
As a reminder, as you heard in our service, we start 21 days of prayer today. Pray first period. Make sure you pick up one of these wristbands in black or white to remind yourself. During the season, we're gonna pray, fall more in love with Jesus and specifically use this time to pray for the lost. So let's continue our journey today with the Lord in our worship service as we open our hearts to prayer and get ready to receive his living and active word.
Will you pray with me? Our Father in heaven, we give you glory, honor and praise for who you are because you and you alone deserve our best. You deserve all that we have. For you are the giver of life. You are the author and the perfecter of our faith.
And, lord, we praise you and we honor you just because you're our God. And we thank you this morning because we as a people believe that every time your word is faithfully and accurately proclaimed that you are speaking. And so our prayer this morning is speak, Lord, for we are ready to hear. And so now for all those who have gathered who desire to hear the Lord Jesus Christ speak directly to you, who will believe what he says and who will, by faith, put into practice what he shows you. Will you agree with me very loudly this morning by saying the word amen?
Amen. I want to tell you this morning that you've been lied to. You've been lied to. You've been lied to by our culture. If you watch television, you've been lied to.
If you listen to social media, you've been lied to. If you listen to our politicians, you've been lied to. And sometimes in churches that don't open up the Bible, you've been lied to. When it comes to this family's fortified series, everything that we've been talking about from Genesis chapter one onward, about how God created human beings in his image, how he created us with two genders, how he designed and authored marriage between a man and woman, till death do us part, how he is the author of children and the one who wants to propagate the world. Everything that he's designed is good, and we don't hear enough information about it.
But one area that we certainly don't hear a lot of truth about is how God views singleness. How God views singles. Today I want to talk about singleness. I want to talk about what God's design is for that and how to maximize your faithfulness as a single. And if you're here today, like, oh, you're kidding me, we're going to talk about singles?
That's how every single person feels when we talk about marriage. We have a marriage. When's that? What's up for me? Right?
And I think we need to do better teaching on this because we truly don't understand what God has to say. God designed you, first and foremost as a single. You came out as a single. Until you get married, you're single. I was talking to our pastors this morning.
I was going around and there's a couple guys that are still single. And I was asking, you're still single, aren't you? He's like, well, you know, kind of. And what he meant by that is I'm close to getting engaged. And I'm like, no, no, no.
If you're not married, you're single. So let me just be really clear on this teaching. You're either married or you're single. You're either single because you've never been married or you're single now because you're widowed or you're single now because you're divorced. You're either married or you're single.
Today I want to address singles. And the reason I think this is so important is so often when we teach in the church, we almost teach to singles as, oh, I'm sorry. I mean, this week, just to prepare, I started googling some things. I googled singles. I googled christian singles.
I googled verses for christian singles. I was so thoroughly depressed by what was popping up, because if you look up christian scriptures for singles, they're almost identical to the verses that you would give to somebody in hospice care.
Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink. Fear not, for the Lord is with you. I'm like, these people aren't dying. They're single. Right?
And because we live in that victimization of singleness, and married people sometimes look at singles like, what's wrong with you, how come you're not married yet? And single people feel that look, and then they're like, hey, you want to meet my friend? You want to go out with this person? And they're like, no, because if they're anything like you, I really don't want to meet them. But they don't have the courage to tell you that, right?
What is singleness? Singleness is important because that's how you were born. And if you can't maximize your singleness for the kingdom of God, then you can't enjoy marriage either. So if you are single, what would God have to say to you? I mean, two singles that I know that made a significant impact were Jesus Christ and the apostle Paul.
I don't hear them talking from a victimization standpoint. When I'm reading through the book of Philippians, I don't hear the apostle Paul write, for me, to live is a bride or to die is in vain. I mean, that's not what he says. He says, for me to live is Christ and to die is gain. As long as I have Jesus, he's the author and the perfecter of my faith.
I have everything that I need. When Jesus is praying in the garden of Gethsemane, he's not praying, Father, please let this cup pass for me, and then bring me a wife and let me get married and have kids, and then I'll go to the cross later. But I really want to be married. No, he came on purpose to honor his dad. If you cannot honor the father as a single, you certainly cannot do it in a committed marital relationship.
So how do you make the most of your time? And there's some of you who are single here that would say, don't want to get married. Some of you have been married and are single now say, I don't want to get married again. That's okay. So how do you maximize what it looks like for you to be a single?
And some of you are here, that are growing up, that are young, say, I definitely want to get married someday. And some of you have grown up and you've gone through your twenties and now thirties and now you're 40. Like, I've been praying this for 20 years. Where's God right now? Because I want to get married.
I've been praying it for a long time. I got good news for you, too. These principles that God has in his word, apply to you today. And it's important that we understand what God wants for us so we can maximize our faithfulness as singles. So to do this today, I want you to open up your bibles to deuteronomy.
Deuteronomy, chapter 31. We're gonna specifically focus on verse eight. But I wanna set up this text, and it's a really strange text that you would say, why are you teaching from deuteronomy, chapter 31, verse eight, when it comes to singles? Here's why. Cause I could take you to one corinthians seven, and we can talk about that, and we'll reference that today.
I can take you to first corinthians six and talk about sexuality. And I've done teaching on that. You can go back and look at it in 2017. I did a whole teaching on it. But I believe that singles, you need a charge, and you need to hear from God as to how you're supposed to live presently and what you can trust him for the future.
And this here is Moses counsel to Joshua as Moses, who's going to be 120 years old, is going to leave Israel, and Joshua is going to take the children of Israel into the promised land. And as he's commissioning Joshua before God and all the people of Israel, what we see from Moses is him saying to the people that God's promises continue to be true for all generations. And I want you to hear this, because God's promises to you as a single or as a married are still true regardless of your age. They're still true regardless of your condition and singles. If you'll put this into practice, what the Lord is showing you, I believe there's great fruit in it.
So let me set up the passage, and then we'll focus on verse eight. Deuteronomy 31 says, so Moses went and spoke these words to all Israel. And he said to them, I am 120 years old today. I am no longer able to come and go. And the Lord has said to me, you shall not cross this Jordan.
It is the Lord your God, who will cross ahead of you. He will destroy these nations before you and shall dispossess them. Joshua is the one who will cross ahead of you, just as the Lord has spoken, the Lord will do to them just as he did to Sihon and Og, the kings of the Amorites and to their land when he destroyed them. The Lord will deliver them up before you, and you shall do to them all according to the commandments which I have commanded you. Be strong and courageous.
Do not be afraid or tremble at them. For the Lord, your God, is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Then Moses called to Joshua and said to him, in the sight of all Israel, be strong and courageous, for you shall go with this people into the land which the Lord has sworn to give their fathers, to give them, and you shall give it to them as an inheritance. So you see what's happening?
Moses is now calling up Joshua. He's commissioning them. He said everything I told you God was going to do, he's still going to do. It doesn't change even when I'm gone, because the word of God remains true. It's true.
Even if you have a different pastor, it's true. Even if you walk into a different church, it's true, it's true. It's true that God is faithful to all of his promises. Get that, get that. And then he sums up everything he's been saying in verse eight.
And this is where we're going to spend our time today. And I believe, singles, if you get this, it will give you great hope and joy in your life. It says, the Lord is the one who goes ahead of you. He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.
Do not fear or be dismayed. Read it again. The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you. He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.
Do not fear or be dismayed. Now, I want to give you four truths that you can lean into this morning that God can help you with if you're single and you want to get married. If you're single and you don't want to get married, all of these apply. And, oh, by the way, married people, the word of God is true whether you're single or married, so there'll be truth for you in this text. Amen.
And the first is this. Trust God's leading. Trust God's leading. The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you. Do you trust God leading your life?
Do you trust him to guide you? He's the one who knit you together in your mother's womb. He's the one who gave you your gender. He's the one who said, you're fearfully and wonderfully made. He's the one who set the times and the seasons.
He's the one who gave you your parents. He's the one who put you into this earth the day that you came out. He's the one that knows when you're going to die. He's the one that's orchestrated everything. Can you trust that God with every asset of your life?
Singles, can you trust God for where he's leading you and where he's going to take you. And can you believe this, that this God who loves you, who created you, who values you, has your best interest? Can you look to him? And can you look to him alone? Matthew 633 says, seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.
Starts with God. It starts with going all in with the Lord Jesus Christ. If you want to get married and you're single, or if you want to stay single and enjoy it to the full, you got to go all in with Jesus Christ. You have to trust God's leading in every area of your life. That's where it starts.
It doesn't start backwards. Well, if God gives me a spouse, then he gets my worship. No, no, no. He gets your worship first and foremost, regardless of what he chooses to do. Amen.
Do you trust his leading? Do you trust his leading? Because if you do, the enemy is going to whisper in your ear, why are you trusting him? If you go all in with Jesus, that's really going to limit the playing field. If you do things God's way, that's really going to limit the playing field.
If you're in middle school or high school and you're hearing that you should remain a virgin until you get married and you choose to do that, that's going to limit the playing field. That's going to make you a square. No, no, no. You go all in with God and he's got your back, and the God of the universe is for you. Here's the question.
Who could ever be against you? Amen. I mean, we read these scriptures in, like, psalm 23. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me besides quiet waters. He restores my soul. He guides me in the path of righteousness for his name's sake. He's a provider. He's a good God.
If you're trusting God's leading, he's the one that's going to lead you to greengrass, to still water. He cares about you. He has your best interests at heart. He's going to guide you into the ways of all truth. He's going to lead you in the way that is best for you.
Do you trust God's leading? And here's the reality. Every time you take a step of faith with God, you're going to hear the voice of the enemy saying, are you sure? Are you sure, man? Nobody else has taken that step.
You're going alone on this one. I don't know that God's going to show up. And when it comes to the things of God in relationships, you've got to put God first, because if you don't put God first as a single, you'll never put him first in your marriage. Put him first as a single. Trust him.
He's a good God. He wants to lead you in the right way. There's things along the way he's building into your life. He has a curriculum for you. And let me just point out this.
Psalm 80, 411. The scriptures say, no good thing will God withhold from those who walk uprightly. God, I want a husband. God, I want a wife. Here's a question.
Here's a question. Is God first and foremost in your life? Are you walking in obedience to him? Are you doing things his way? Are you honoring him in what you do?
There's a lot of times that God's not answering your prayer, not because he's unwilling or unable, but it's because you're living in sin and you're not doing it God's way. But then you're asking God to do something when you're not doing it his way and he's silent on those things. So singleness is a time to maximize your trust in the Lord and to do it his way if this is how he wants you to live. Do you attend church? Are you serving faithfully?
Are you honoring God with your resources? Are you honorable to your parents? Are you doing all the things that God would want you to do? Do you forgive others quickly when they hurt you? Are you doing it his way?
Where you can stand before the Lord and say, lord, I don't know know if there's something in my life. Search me and try me. See if there's any offensive way in me. Otherwise, Lord, I think I'm doing it your way and I'm asking for this thing. I'm asking for a wife.
I'm asking for a husband. And it's a good thing. The Bible starts with a marriage. God created gender for the purpose of marriage between a man and a woman till death do us part. And then God says in Genesis two that the husband and wife were together and they were naked and they felt no shame.
God is the one that created intimacy. God is the one that created marriage. God is the one that created sexual fulfillment. And God says, it is very, very, very good. So your desire for that's not a bad thing.
It's just you have to trust God to lead you into that way. Is he leading you? When Jesus called his disciples. Remember what he said in Matthew 419. Follow me, I'll make you Fisher's men.
Are you following Jesus or you just give lip service to Jesus? Are you trying to live Jesus way where you're not living his way? Are you being repentant? And when you do that, then you can tell very quickly, do you want to get married or not? I can help you this morning.
It'll help set the trajectory for your life a little bit. Here's what one corinthians chapter seven says. The apostle Paul, who is a single, is writing. And he said, now, concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. If you're single, you don't have rights to anybody else.
Why? Because you're not in covenant with them and they do not belong to you. So if you're single, here's your choice. Celibacy, that's your only choice. It's good for you to be single and not to be kissing on each other and touching on each other and all those different things.
Why? Because you don't belong to each other. You belong to the Lord. And that's a good thing if you're called to singleness. But if you're not called to singleness, it's not a good thing.
Notice what he says next. He says in verse two, but because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife and each woman is to have her own husband. And then he goes in great length talking about how in a marriage, you're to sexually fulfill one another completely. So much so that the only time that there's not sexual fulfillment taking place in a marriage is when it's agreed upon by the husband and wife for the purpose of prayer and seeking the Lord. But then you come back together quickly so you're not tempted outside your marriage.
It means that sexual intimacy in a marriage should be so good, you are so worn out, you don't have time to look around. And God doesn't blush about that. He just doesn't blush. God created and designed sexuality. God said it was very, very good, and God said it was so good that God had to create a container for it.
You know, God wrote a whole book called the song of Solomon on sexuality. I always wonder, as a faithful preacher of the word, when I teach you the song of Solomon, how am I going to even get through chapter one? You read this book, it starts out with this woman saying, oh, that he may kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for his love is more delightful. Than wine. And then it starts to rapidly move from there.
And I think that's two things. Bible believing christians don't like to talk about kissing and drinking good wine and comparing the two. But God has no problem blushing at that. God created that. God says it's good.
I mean, just hear some of these verses in the Bible. I mean, in proverbs, chapter five, he talks about not being with the adulteress, not going after somebody that's not your spouse. But he says in proverbs 515, drink water from your own cistern and fresh water from your own well. That's a euphemism for sexual fulfillment in your own marriage. Should your springs be dispersed abroad, streams of living water in the street, let them be yours alone and not for strangers with you.
Marriage sexuality is to be kept in the marriage. Notice what he says. He doesn't blush. Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth as a loving hind and graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you at all times.
Be exhilarated with her love. And every junior high was like, dude, where's that again?
God doesn't blush. He says, it's good. But here's the problem in church. Sometimes the way we talk about sex is it's bad, it's bad, it's bad, it's bad, it's bad, it's bad, it's so bad. Don't, don't stop, don't, don't until you say, I do.
And then the pastor, it's good. And we can't flip the switch. God says the opposite. It's good, it's good, it's good, so good. And it's so sticky and it's so permanent that if you don't have sexual fulfillment in the context of marriage, you're going to get hurt.
Because every other sin, you sin, you sin outside the body. But sexual sin, you sin against yourself. It's so powerful and sticky. I mean, the illustration would be like if you take a piece of black construction paper and a piece of white construction paper and you glue it together and you let it sit for a week, and then you decide, we're gonna pull that apartheid. The white construction paper would have black specs and the black construction paper would have white specs.
And some of you that have engaged in sexual immorality outside of marriage know what that feels like, where you're like, this hurts and this is awful and this is no good. Why? Because there's no such thing as sexual fulfillment outside of a christian marriage. It doesn't exist because God created sex to fulfill one another. Sex is not about pleasing yourself.
Sex is about pleasing your spouse. And the only way you can ever do that is in the context of marriage. That's why there's nobody anywhere, whether they give a TED talk, speak in Hollywood, Las Vegas, wherever that outside of the marriage bed, has ever had any sexual fulfillment. And I'll tell you why. Because when you do it God's way, and you're filled with the Holy Spirit.
It's as if the Holy Spirit's like, I'm here, God's here. I'm cheering this on. This is like holy spirit worship filled sex. And it's good, and there's no guilt and there's no shame. And God says, this is what's going to bring the sticky to your marriage.
Amen. Sex is good. It's not bad, but that's why God had to create a container for it. I think about this. When Kim and I got married, we had what was called a registry.
Do you know what a registry is? I say we. That's a loose term. She had a registry, and we were getting married, so we had a registry. But you don't really register at best Buy or for electronic goods.
It's usually household goods, household items, towels, baskets, all sorts of different things that we apparently need. And one of the things that we registered for was china. China with the proper pattern that we apparently were really looking forward to having. So people started sending us this. We had a china plate and a smaller plate that's for salad saucer and a cup and something else.
And they were all boxed really neat. And I remember we got married, we didn't have a lot of stuff. We didn't have a lot of boxes, which, by the way, is a beautiful thing. When you get married, you don't need to have a ton of money. You don't need to wait 40 years to get married.
You get married as long as you have enough to take care of yourself. And so we had these boxes, and I remember we had a cardboard or a card table we pulled out to have our meals. I'm like, hey, let's eat off of these. She's like, no way. And I'm like, why not?
She's like, because they're too valuable. And I'm like, well, I'm pretty valuable, you know? And she's like, no. And then we went on to find out not only are they so valuable that they have to stay in a box. Now, she told me we needed to buy what was called a china cabinet.
So it wasn't good enough just to have the china. Now we had to get a container for the china. And that container has glass on the front, it has light in the top. And you put the dishes in so that when you have people come over and they're eating off ordinary plates, they can look through the china cabinet and wish that they were valuable. Right?
And it took us over a decade to even eat off them once. Cause they're so valuable. That's how God views sexuality in a marriage. He's not saying no. He's not saying your feelings are wrong.
He's saying, this is so powerful and it's so good, and it's so transforming. And it's not just physical, it's spiritual, it's emotional. It's in every way connected, that I only want you to have this in a marriage so that you can be fulfilled and not get hurt. Amen. So let me just say this.
If you have had sex outside of marriage, I want to tell you something. God's grace is willing to forgive you. If you're repentant and you're willing to get right, he can cleanse you from the inside out, and you can start fresh all over again right where you're at. Some of you, I need to say this. Some of you didn't even have the opportunity to remain pure because things happened to you when you were a little girl or a little boy, and you had no control over that.
And I want to let you know this. God's grace is even greater than that sin that happened to you. And he can cleanse you from the inside out as well. And you can be pure and move forward as well. Amen.
We need to know that.
But here's the question. Do you trust God's leading? Because if you don't trust God's leading, you're going to listen to the world, and you're going to feel like a victim. And you're going to feel like, how come everybody else? And how come not me?
And why not this and all this different kind of stuff? And God wants you to know, no, I got you. I'll lead you. Let me say this to those of you that are living together, or for those of you that aren't living together, but you're sleeping together and you think it's good. God sees everything you're doing, and it's not good, and his judgment is on it.
And before you sweat and run out of church, I want to tell you something. You just need to get right. Because sometimes, I mean, in a church our size on three different campuses and people watching online, like, what do I do? I'm freaking out right now. He's talking to me.
I'm not talking to you. God's talking to you. And he's telling you that what you're doing is wrong. And just cause it feels right doesn't make it good. So what do you need to do?
Here's what you do. Here's what you do today. You don't stay in the same house anymore. If you need a place to stay, come talk to me or one of our pastors. We'll figure out where you go.
Well, who moves out? The guy does. Yeah, but it's my house. Then you shouldn't have brought her in in the first place. Okay, so move out.
We'll get you some counseling. If you want to get married, wouldn't it be cool, like, in a couple weeks, we do some counseling? How about ten to 15 marriages that just took place right after service? Would you guys cheer for that?
I mean, if you're shacking up and you plan on getting married, I mean, we'll provide the audience. We'll buy flowers. We already have videographers. I mean, we got it all right here. You can send your parents.
They can come out and see it. We'll just celebrate that with you. Take vows and be married. And if you don't want to be married, then why are you continuing to live together? And why do you go to brave and say, well, I'm a Christian, and then sleep around?
Like, stop it. That's what God is saying to you, because he loves you too much, not because he thinks you're a bad person. But he's got way more for you than how you're living. That's what he's saying. So trust his leading.
Trust his guidance. I mean, I think it'd be really, really cool. I think it'd be really cool in the next couple weeks if we had several of you that haven't been doing it God's way, that say, it's time for me to do it God's way. Repented and got a little counseling, and then we celebrated with you here as God forms your marriage together. That'd be awesome.
Amen. Trust is leading. He's got you. Don't believe the lie of the enemy. It says, it's never going to happen for you.
Hasn't happened yet. Why is it taking so long? Trust God's leading. Second is this. Trust God's presence.
Trust God's presence. It is the Lord who goes ahead of you. That's his leadership. He's way ahead of you. He lives in eternity past and eternity future, and he dwells in the present, and he's guiding you.
But trust his presence. Trust his presence. Notice what he says. He's the one who goes ahead of you. He will be with you in the great commission.
He says, I'll be with you always to the very end of the age. Hebrews 13. He said, never will I leave you or forsake you. His presence. In the old testament, when God was on a person, it says, the Lord was with him.
What you want more than anything in your life, and the intimacy that you're craving, it's not in the spouse, it's in the Lord Jesus Christ. It's his presence. That's what you want. You may think it's going to be found in somebody else, but your spouse, as great as your spouse is, can't fulfill the presence of God in your life. And as a single, it gives you a great opportunity to experience the presence of God.
Anyone who's born again has the holy spirit of God resident in their life. And through praying and seeking his face, you can experience him more and more. That's why I'd encourage you during these 21 days of prayer. Come to prayer meetings when our church opens on the weekend. Come to church.
Find a place to get involved. Find a place to serve. Build community with people around you, love the people around. I mean, grow in his presence. He's with you.
He's in you. And here's what I'd say. If you're not experiencing his presence as a single, you'll never experience his presence as a married person. And what will happen is you'll expect your spouse to be for you what only Jesus can be, and they'll never be what Jesus can be. And then you'll get dissatisfied with your spouse.
Don't marry thinking somebody else can fulfill a hole that only Jesus Christ can fill. If you're not fulfilled as a single, I promise you, you'll be doubly unfulfilled as a married person, and you'll crush your spouse with high levels of expectation that no human being could ever fulfill. Marriage is not about meeting the other person that can fulfill things in you that you couldn't fulfill in yourself. There's a complimentary relationship, but the whole Jerry Maguire, you complete me garbage doesn't work. You know, the whole you had me at hello.
I mean, if we followed that whole story, they wouldn't be married today. And the reason, you know, that is all you have to do is watch Hollywood and Las Vegas with all their stuff. And if they were the pinnacle of what marriage is, everyone would still be married. Marriage is not. You complete me.
Marriage is. God has already completed me, and you're a partner with me so that together we can expand his kingdom for the Lord Jesus Christ's glory. That's what it is. Amen.
We have so much Hollywood and Las Vegas in our culture that we set ourselves up for failure. We set ourselves up for failure. Ladies think that there's just this guy out there that's, like, sitting around just waiting to rescue you. And he's this perfect person. He always says the right things, and he's strong and he's chiseled and he's awesome and he's wealthy and he's great, and he's got a castle, and he's bringing you home, and he's just going to love you every day for your whole life.
And then you can't find that guy because he doesn't exist. And guys are the same way, and guys will read magazines and see different things and watch women talk and watch all this stuff and airbrush things and then think, well, there's some gal out there that's just this, and she doesn't exist either. So what can you do to experience God's presence? I would say pray, pray, pray, pray, pray, period. Experience his presence.
But I think singleness gives you time to do three things, and the first is this. Use the time to live on mission. Jesus said before he ascended back into heaven, all authority in heaven and earth has been given to me. Therefore, go make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey all that I've commanded you. And I'll be with you always till the very end of the age, whether you're single or married, that's your mission.
It's a busy mission. It's a time consuming mission. It's an all absorbing mission. And regardless of what you do for a living, that's your mission. Go all in with them.
If you're single, guess what? You have more time to do that. You have more time to travel and take mission trips. You have more time to get involved in your neighborhood. You have more time to get involved downtown.
You have more time to serve in your local church. You have more time to minister to people. You just have more time. So go all in with Jesus. Share the gospel with the lost disciple.
Those that are growing up get in Bible studies learn the word, do all that, go all in and learn to live on mission. You need to be living on mission. And by the way, gals, if you meet a guy and he's not living on mission, or guys, you meet a gal and she's not living on mission. Don't even think about dating them. Don't even think about dating them.
You can't be unequally yoked, and that doesn't mean just being christian. But gals, some of you are such good ladies and you drag that dude to brave who, because he thinks you're hot, will sit next to you and say, yeah, I kind of like that, and kind of did this. But what was he doing before he got to brave? And what's he doing now that he's at brave? And how is he leading in the church, and how is he leading you and where is he memorizing scripture, and how does he pray and how does he serve?
And who's he shared the gospel with? I don't know. If he's not doing it now, he won't do it after your marriage. And the same goes for a guy. If you're dragging that girl to church and she's like, oh, that's kind of nice and that's kind of good.
What's her background? What's her character? How's she been growing in the Lord? How's she been serving what she's been doing? If she's not living on mission, don't touch her.
Give her time to grow in the Lord until she's doing that. Because you, at a bare minimum, need to love Jesus and both be on mission for Christ as a bare minimum, but then use singlehood for this. Not only not only to live on mission, but use that time to discover your ministry. God made you unique. Every single one of us, he made unique.
Not everybody that's saved that's on mission needs to be in full time vocational ministry as a pastor. Some are going to be dentists, some are going to be teachers, some are going to be social workers. There's a myriad of ways. How has God wired you? And what specifically has God called you in your life to do?
How are you going to do it? What's that look like? Being single gives you the opportunity. And gals, I'm just telling you this. This is free of charge.
You can thank me down the road. Don't marry a guy that doesn't know what he's called to do. I don't know. I mean, I might be this, I might be in sales. I might be a coach, I might be in ministry.
We'll see what happens once we get married. Don't touch that brother, because that brother has made you the focus of his life and he's expecting you to make him happy and he's not going anywhere. Don't mess with him. And gals, you need to know what you've been called to and what you want to be. And don't settle once you've set your standard.
I want to be a mom, I want to be a wife. I want to homeschool my kids. I want to work in the marketplace. This is what I want. I mean, I'm telling you, I know this is what God has for me.
Don't settle because, oh, he's so cute. Don't settle because, oh, she's hot. No, you're on your mission and you know your ministry. And until you know that, then you're not ready to do the third. And that's when you can start doing, that's when you start praying for your mate.
Pray that God brings you somebody that will help you fulfill the mission God has in the way that he's called you to fulfill that mission. And then God will bring that person along. You meet somebody that says, I know I'm called to be a pastor. I know I'm called to do this. This is where I'm going.
I've been going there for ten years. I'm on this way and you're like, that's what I want to be involved with. He's going the right way. Go. That's when God brings people together.
Pray for a mate not to satisfy your loneliness. Pray for a mate that's going to partner with your mission and your ministry. And while you're single, you get the opportunity to find how am I going to live out my mission and what's my unique way of doing that. And I'm praying for somebody that will come alongside of me and do it like this. Amen.
That's why singlehood is an excellent time to maximize your faithfulness in the Lord. Lord, show me what I'm supposed to be doing. Show me how I'm supposed to be doing it. Lord, help me get involved in your church. Help me do the things you want, because I want to go your way.
And while I'm getting satisfied in doing this, I want a husband or I want a wife that helps me be even better at doing these things that you've created me to do. Amen. You're not getting this anywhere else. I promise you. There's nobody in Hollywood teaching this stuff.
God's word teaches this stuff. You want his presence? You want to go after him, live on mission, discover your ministry and pray for your mate. Once you've done that, then here's what I would tell you to do. Trust God's ability.
Trust God's ability. If you trust his leadership in your life and you trust his presence in your life, would you please, for the sake of the Lord Jesus Christ, trust his ability? He says, the Lord is the one who goes ahead of you. That's his leadership. He will be with you.
That's his presence. Notice his track record. He will not fail you or forsake you. You know what that means? God won't screw up.
He won't mess this thing up. You want to go after God? God's the one that designed you. God not only knows your desires, he knows what's going to be the most satisfying to you internally. He knows exactly what you need.
Can you trust his ability? Now, because we're in church, most of you say, I totally do. I totally do. I totally do. I totally trust God.
And here's why you trust him. Because God created the world in six literal days. Because God created humankind out of dust on the earth and created a woman out of Adam's rib. That God is the one that designed marriage. That God's the one that designed how to have offspring.
I mean, you think about it. I mean, he's the one that led Noah to build an ark. He's the one that flooded the world. He's the one that rescued humanity and kept eight people alive. He led Moses to Egypt to save Israel.
He helped David slay Goliath. He helped Elijah destroy the prophets of Vaal. He led Joseph and Mary to raise the son of God, Jesus Christ, in their home. He led Paul to share the gospel around the whole world. He can do all things.
Ephesians three says he's able to do far more than we can ask or imagine according to his glorious power that's at work within us. That's the God we serve. That's who he is. He can do it all. But I don't know if he's ever going to be able to bring me a mate.
I don't know if he's that powerful. Like, are you kidding me right now? That is a lie. From the pit of hell, God created Eve from Adam's ribs. She met him.
They got married the same day Isaac met Rebekah, who was serving water to all the camels. He married her the same day when you're going after God and your mission and you know your unique ministry and you're praying to God and you're living obedient, he will bring the person along and you won't even realize they're there, because too often, here's what we're doing. We're looking for outward things. What's their degree? Are they attractive?
Do they have, and God's looking at the heart saying, this is the person that will build everything that I've designed you to have and all that kind of stuff. And that's what God wants you to do. He wants you to go after him. He wants you to trust his leading, he wants you to trust his presence, he wants you to trust his ability. I mean, think about it.
He caused the sun to stand still, he part of the Red Sea in the Jordan. He created the world in six literal days. He designed you. In your mother's womb, Mary said, with God, all things are possible. And yet why do you still believe the lie?
You can't get married. Like, what's going on there? What's going on there is the enemy's whispering your ear. Not for you. It's not happened yet.
It's not happened now. If God really loved you, he'd give you somebody and trust me. I heard all the lies. I heard all the lies. I got married at the age of 34.
If somebody would have told me when I was a teenager, you're not getting married until you're 34, I would have cried. It was a long time and I remember, I'm just being candid with you. I remember I was 30 years old, I was officiating a wedding in Arkansas for two students in my youth group. He was 19, the bride was 23. And to officiate a wedding, it's not super complicated.
You just read rote material, you read vows, you say them back and forth, you announce that they're husband and wife. So I'm going through that, I'm giving a little message, but the whole time I'm doing and officiating the wedding, I'm having a conversation with God. Like, the brother's 19 and he's got a wife. I'm 30. Where's mine?
I've served you in the ministry for x amount of years. I'm going to seminary, I'm giving you everything I have. Where's she at? Madden. And now I pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride. I mean, that's what it was like. And some of you feel that way while you're here you're hearing me talk like, yeah, that sounds good, but that hasn't been my experience. I get that. But it's only upon further reflection, only upon further reflection that I realized why God brought my wife to me later in life.
That was his providence in my life. Because while I was single, there were some things going on. God was using me to build me up in the ministry, which there were some things he needed to do in my life I could not have done with my wife. And he used that time for me to maximize my education. And I went to a school where I was studying four to 9 hours a day, and I was doing ministry, and I wouldn't have had time to serve my wife the way he needed me to serve her.
And in full disclosure, I didn't live this teaching nor hear this teaching when I was a young person and God was taking time to redeem certain things in my heart for me to learn what it meant to love a woman. Because selfishness and pride never worked in my life and spent about a decade teaching me how to do it better so that by the time my wife came, I was ready. And God built it the right way. And I give him all the glory for that. And here's what I would say.
If you're waiting and you've waited, and you've waited, and you've waited and you've waited, sometimes what you read in the Bible, the longer you wait, the greater the grace that God gives, because it's an even greater gift. Remember when Elizabeth was praying for a son? She was praying for a son. She wanted a son. She couldn't have a child.
She couldn't have a child. She couldn't have a child. By the time she finally had a child, who was it? It was John the Baptist, the forerunner of the Lord Jesus Christ. Hannah was weeping so hard in one Samuel, chapter one.
She couldn't have a kid. She could never have a kid. You know, even the concubine, she had a kid. Hannah couldn't have one. But when God delivered her a child, she gave birth to Samuel, who became the first prophet to the nation of Israel.
I mean, sometimes the longer it takes while you're waiting is because God's building something even greater. And I look and say, there's no way with who I dated that I could be doing what I'm doing had God not brought Kim into my life. And once it happened, it was like, oh, it's totally worth the wait. But I get the waiting stinks. People waited for thousands of years for the messiah to come.
It was painstaking and horrible until Jesus arrived. And it was great. So waiting is always difficult. But if you're waiting on the Lord and you're doing the right things with the Lord, the Lord will bless it when it's the right time. Amen.
It works. And then I would just say this. I mean, just being practical. When you meet the person that, you know, God's called you to marry, you don't need a super long engagement. You just don't need a long engagement.
If you know that, you know that, you know, get married now. I'm not saying you shouldn't have a ceremony. I'm not saying you shouldn't take pictures. I'm not saying you shouldn't celebrate the day. I look back fondly on our wedding day, and I remember it.
We had friends and family there. I'm not downplaying that. Too often in our culture, we'll spend two or three years and hundreds of thousands of dollars to plan out this incredible wedding day and spend zero time planning for the marriage itself, which is what we should be planning for. Amen. That's worth appreciation, because God is preparing you, as singles, not for your wedding day, where you say your ideas, you're like, oh, good, I'm in.
He's preparing you for a marriage for a lifetime of service to somebody else. So take the time to get the ceremony just right. And those of us who are married, we know, I mean, some of the people that are in your wedding, you know, 1020 years from now, you probably don't even know anymore, and you don't remember the cake and you don't remember the day. It's your spouse, it was the vows. It's what you spent your time doing.
And I get it. Waiting is hard. I get it. Some of you have been saying, I'm doing faithful. I'm waiting on the Lord faithful.
I get all that. But if it hasn't happened just yet, it's okay. It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. It just may mean God's got a different season for you. And Paul says, you know, as we read, it's good not to touch a woman.
He goes on to say, after talking about, you know, marriage and fidelity in the marriage and satisfying, he said, but I say that as a concession. If you don't want to get married, that's okay. I wish all people could be like me. And some of you may have the gift of celibacy. Here's how you know you have the gift of celibacy.
If the Lord came and spoke to you in all of his glory today and said, hey, you're going to be single for the rest of your life. And you said, feels really good. Thank you, Jesus. You're probably called to be single. I've met two guys in my life that would say that's exactly how they feel.
One's on the mission field in the Czech Republic and has spent 30 years learning that language and ministering to people. No desire to get married. Not bitter, not victimized, not anything. He goes, I just love serving the Lord, and I'm glad I don't have the burden of a wife. The other guy I know has three doctorates, one a doctorate, a ThD in theology, one a research PhD, and one a medical doctor.
So he does full time medicine, he teaches at a seminary, and he travels the world, and he's very thankful he doesn't have to have a wife. Those are the only two guys I met. If you have sexual desire, the reason is, is because God's calling you to be with somebody else. It's that simple. So he's calling you to live obediently now.
He's calling you to do the one thing, the things he wants you to do now, not just, you know, in your dating life, but in every other aspect of your life, comprehensively. Lord, you have my life. You have me. I just want to honor you. I want to give to you.
I want to be who you want me to be. Go after him. He'll surprise you with his good things. That's who our Lord is. Do you trust his leading?
Do you trust his presence? Do you trust his ability? God's able to make anything happen, and he's able to make it happen quickly. Just when you think there's no chance, he's like, are you kidding me right now? It's done.
I got you. Trust him. Continue to pray for him, and then do this. Finally, trust God's counsel. Trust God's counsel.
It says, the Lord is the one who goes ahead of you. He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. And then he says this. Do not fear or be dismayed.
In talking to a number of our singles, I know that there's a fear factor. What if this doesn't work out well? What if I do the right things and it just doesn't end well? There's an element of faith in everything you do. There's no guarantees in any part of life, but you can trust God's counsel that if you're living on mission and you're living out the ministry and you're seeking him, that God can bring some things that can help you in making some of those decisions.
For God did not give you a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, a spirit of love and of sound mind. God didn't ask you to walk around and be freaked out some. I don't know if I could ever get married. I mean, look at all this. And one of the reasons that sometimes singles are scared is because they see your marriage is in the church, and, like, I don't want that.
Marriage is a beautiful thing. Marriage is an incredible entity that God created. He who finds a wife, finds what is good, and receives favor from the Lord. I mean, I look back at my life. We've been married a couple decades.
I look back at my life and who I am now and who I was before I got married. And as painful as some of those seasons have been, and I know all the things that God's chiseled on in my life, I would never want to go back to who I was before I met my wife. Because there's a sanctifying process that God takes you through, and it's a good thing, and it's only through marriage that you can do it. So do not fear. Do not be dismayed.
Dismayed means terror. It's when you have this thought in your life, like, God could never fix this in me. God could never help someone like me. I've gone too far. I haven't done it his way.
I don't know. I mean, I've messed it up. I'm messing it up right now. Here's what I would say. If you're genuinely repentant, like, you know you're wrong and you don't want to continue to live that way, and you call out to the Lord in faith, he will not only forgive you, he will cleanse you from all unrighteousness.
He will set your feet upon a rock. He can take from what was destroyed in your life and make it a beautiful thing once again. Amen. That's what our God does. Trust his counsel.
He's building you because sometimes you're in church and you hear things like this, hey, don't have sex till you get married and only have sex with your spouse. And then there's a bunch of people like, I believe that now, but I didn't believe it then, and now I'm used goods, and it can never happen. Here's the reality. Don't let two wrongs ever make a right meaning. Some of you may be here today and say, well, I've already slept with my boyfriend and what's the use?
Now I'm used goods. I may as well marry him. That's horrible. Stop. You may have sinned, but receive forgiveness for your sin.
Be cleansed, be repentant. Let God set you up again and then see what he does. There's no perfect singles. There's no perfect marrieds. There's people who are repentant and seeking the grace of God, who God is in the process of redeeming.
So trust his counsel, and then get some other people around you that know the Lord, that love their spouse, that can speak into what they see in you so they can talk to you about it. Proverbs 1522 says it like this. It talks about the need for counselors. It says without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors, they succeed. Listen, if you have a mom and dad that love Jesus and you don't listen to them when they're talking to you, shame on you.
Your mom and dad know more about you than any other person on the entire planet. They can speak into your life about who you're dating and what they think and what they see. And you may not like what they have to say, but they're right. And if you don't want to listen to your parents, get some other godly people around the church and let them meet who you're dating and let them talk about who you're dating. Man, here's what I tell you.
Look for a woman that's already a servant with great character. I mean, what's her track record when you meet her? I mean, what do her friends say about her? Does she serve other people selflessly? Is she all about others?
Because if she's not a servant before she met you, she won't be a servant when she marries you. Does she have godly character? I mean, when you meet her former teachers or coaches or friends or parents, do they talk about her character and who she is and how she loves Jesus and what she's all about and how she's always been? That's who you want to go after. And, ladies, go after a guy that works hard, that has great character.
Go after a man that's got a job.
Go after a man. I'm not saying he's got to make six figures. I'm not saying that. I'm saying go after somebody that's working hard and he's diligent and he's got character and he loves other people and he cares for other people. And he's got this track record in his church where if you talk to people at the church, they would say, oh, yeah, he's here every week and he's got his bible open and he shows up at prayer and he loves the Lord and he's serious about all those things.
I mean, that's who you want to go after, right? Because the lie is this. Here's the lie. The lie is once we get married, I'll change him. The lie is once we get married, I'll change her.
Here's what I would say to you. Do not be a fixer. You can't fix anybody. You can't change anybody. And the lie that you're going to hear after you get married, if you marry somebody and you try to be a fixer, is there's no way you'll ever change him, there's no way you'll ever change her, and then you'll want to leave.
So if there's things that need to change, then let them change. While you're getting to know each other, see, if they change, if they don't change, then don't get married, right? I mean, I'm speaking this in a culture that says you're not anything until you get married. I'm here to tell you, you're everything in Christ if you never get married. But if you're going to get married, marry somebody else that has all of Jesus in them, too, because then you got a chance to see in great success.
Amen.
And standards, it's good to have standards. It is. But keep in mind, I mean, there are no perfect people. I mean, I tell my kids, I'm like, jesus Christ has already ascended and I already married your mother, so there's no other perfect people out there, right? And it's cool to have a standard.
By the way, when I said that in first service, my wife thought I was talking about her. I was like, baby, I was talking about me.
Here's the thing. We can set a standard and you're a virgin and you want to marry a virgin, that's cool. But let's say she made a mistake six years ago, but since that time, she's repented and she's in Bible study and she's seeking, like, why would you hold against somebody this standard that God's not holding against them? Do you see what I'm saying? See, we have standards, and standards are important for how somebody's presently walking with the Lord, not for what their past was, right.
Otherwise what ends up happening is we start saying, I need a tendency and I can't find a ten. This person's like a nine and a half. Do they love Jesus? Yeah. Are you attracted to him?
Yeah. But 16 years ago they did this. Okay, can we look at your track record from 16 years ago? Well, that was perfect. No, you're prideful and you don't need anybody.
Do you understand what I'm saying? I mean, can we give Grace? Because marriage is filled with grace. Like, if you can't give grace before you get married, there's no way you're going to be able to give it after. And I'm not saying settle, hold the standard high, but where somebody's genuinely missed the standard, but is totally repentant, and saying, here, now, I want to live at the standard.
And there's a track record of them trying to obtain the standard. Don't hold their past against them. Amen. Because there's nobody you're going to meet. That's perfect.
Well, she's everything. I just don't know if she can cook so well, but then go eat out every night. It doesn't matter. That's not a defining issue. And then I would say this, and I'm careful with how I'm going to say this.
I just am careful with how I say this. Sometimes I think we need to take ownership of our own lives and be the best that we can be. Does that make sense? I want to share a story with you, but I want to be real gentle when I share this story. My wife and I know of a gal that was a number of years ago, when she was about 30.
She talked to an older man in her church who was in his sixties. And she had great respect. She'd eaten dinner at their house a lot. They had great respect. And she was curious why she wasn't married yet.
She was serving in the church. She loved the Lord with everything she had. And she said to this man, she's like, would you help me? She's like, I don't understand why I'm not married yet. And they had a close relationship.
They had a really good relationship. And here's what he said. He's like, can I be totally candid with you? And she said, yes. And he's like, well, I'm going to say some things that may be kind of strong, but I'm telling you only because I love you.
And this is what he told her in this specific instance. He said, you know, honestly, I think that if you would lose a little weight and you would wear some makeup occasionally, and you would dress a little nicer, things might change for you. And she was married within a year. She took his advice. Now here's what I tell you that story.
Not because you need to lose weight to get married, okay? Exhibit a. Okay? So that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is sometimes we don't take enough time to look in the mirror to say, am I really stewarding everything God's given me?
Am I good with my resources? Am I good with my tent? Am I being the best I can be? Because sometimes we want to attract this person over here, but we're not being the best we can. So it's not about losing weight, gaining weight, gaining muscle.
It's not about that. It's not making more money. It's nothing like that. It's like, are you being the best for Christ that you can be? That's the point.
And are you living for him in the way he would want you to live? So that you're saying, I'm honoring the Lord and I'm being my best for Jesus. That's all that that means. Does that make sense? And sometimes we just need to hear that, because sometimes we expect God to do something, but there's things that we can do on our own to honor him as well in that process.
And those things are true that we talked about today. They're true for married people, they're true for single people. But if you'll trust God's leadership and his vision in your life, and trust he's going to lead you, you know, if you'll trust the fact that he goes with you, his presence, if you'll trust his ability, and then you'll trust his counsel for him to, to guide you, he'll lead you into a good spot. I can't promise your marriage will be perfect. As a matter of fact, I can promise you that your marriage won't be perfect.
But I can promise you this. If you place Jesus Christ first and foremost in your life and you live on mission, and you know what your ministry is, and you say, I'm going with God first, I'm giving God everything, I'm going to trust God. He'll bring somebody else into your life that's going that same direction, and then you got a great opportunity to succeed. Remember this first single, it's the Lord who goes ahead of you. He will be with you.
He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear and do not be dismayed. If you're single. That's a good thing. If you're married, that's a good thing.
God wants you to go after him with everything you have. God wants you to trust him. God wants you to believe in him and not believe the lie that, hey, you're doomed. You're right where you're at. You'll never get here.
There. It's not true. No matter what your past would dictate, through repentance and faith, God can set you on higher ground and take you where you want to go. Don't fret, don't be dismayed. Don't think there's something wrong with you.
There's nothing wrong with you. If you're in Christ, everything's right with you. And you have a great opportunity to give God thanks. Because if you know Christ, you already have everything that you'll ever need. You have everything you can give God thanks.
You can give him praise because your eternity is already set. Amen. Amen. Would you stand with me, our Father in heaven? We give you praise, glory and honor for who you are.
Lord, we praise you for singles. We praise you for marrieds.
Lord, I know as a married man that I'm only here till death do us part.
And if Kim precedes me, I'll be single again. And if I precede her, she'll be single again. And, Lord, I know we've watched the notebook, and she hopes we die together. But, Lord, I just pray that our center and our heart would be on you and not on what we have or don't have. And that we would steward wisely whatever condition that we're in.
And we would trust you and your leading and your greatness in our lives. Lord, bless each person here. Let them feel your forgiveness, your glory, your power and your might in their lives. Father, I pray as our elders and pastors are forward today, if there's some here who are living together that would say, hey, I just need to be loved and I just need no next steps. They come forward.
Some here today that need prayer saying, just pray for my spouse. Pray for me, that they come forward. Lord, we just trust you to do a great thing. God, we give you glory. We give you honor.
We give you praise for who you are and for all you're doing. And Lord, we just give you all praise, glory, and honor and gratitude. And it's in Jesus Christ's name we pray. Amen. And amen.
Can we give God praise for his word this morning?